Funny Short Sayings
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
You’re just 18 with (?) year’s experience.
Funny how the new things are the old things.
The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
My Nuts are Ok.
A difference of tastes in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
I don’t recognize you – I’ve changed a lot.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
I have enjoyed life a lot more by saying yes than by saying no. Source
Early to rise, and early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you forget the question.
When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
Harry S. Truman.
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
I do all of my own nude scenes.
So, when is the wizard getting back to you with the brain.
I do what the voices in my pant tell me to do.
It’s hard to be funny when you have to be clean.
I tried paying my bills with a smile. They wanted money.
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
Truth is Aristocratic, It never follows. It should be followed.
The poor wish to be rich. The rich wish to be happy. The happy wish to be married. The married wish to be dead.
A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.
The baby is fine, the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
You are so boring, if you threw a boomerang, it wouldn’t come back to you!
As a matter of fact, I am a rocket scientist.
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was ‘Shut Up.’
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
Edwin Arlington Robinson
Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits.